Saturday 2 February 2013

Rape Culture in YA




I witnessed something a while ago – over two years ago actually – and it has stuck in my head ever since then. I was riding the bus into town, on the top level of a double decker. There was a girl one seat behind me, who was listening to music on her headphones. She was one of those people who cranks their music way way up, so that the entire room (or bus) can hear the tinny blare of whatever you’re listening too. It wasn't good music either, Britney Spears or something, as I recall. Yes, it was annoying, but I’m not a confrontational person, so I did my best to ignore it.

At one point in the middle of the bus ride, I looked up from my book to see a guy in the opposite aisle gesturing at me. Instantly I was on my guard. He was scruffy looking, unwashed even. I assumed he was mentally...different, since I seem to attract these sorts of people like a magnet. I continued to ignore him, and he continued to lean forward in his seat, crazy eyes wide, and mouth words at me. Well, it took me awhile to sort it out, but I finally realized, he wasn’t aiming his attentions at me. The situation was this: Possibly crazy man at the front of the bus is angrily trying to get Britney Spears playing girl to turn her music down. Or off, I wasn't sure what all the crazy gesturing meant exactly.

The thing was, I was caught right in between all the drama, since I was sitting right in front of the girl. As I watched, he proceeded to lean out of his seat and hiss at her, scribble furious notes and throw them at her and call her a million horrible names. At one point, he even stormed down the aisle and leaned right in her face, shoving his note into her hands. What did the girl do in this situation? She ignored him. Kept her headphones in and acted like none of this was happening.

Now you may ask, what does this have to do with rape culture? I’ll tell you. This girl, whoever she was, was obviously taught the same thing that every girl is taught. Ignore him, he’ll go away. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t make a scene. Don’t overreact. What she should have done, is take her headphones off and ask him exactly what his problem was. If necessary, report him to the bus driver and have him thrown off the bus. Instead, she didn’t move. She didn’t even move seats. It makes me think hard about how females are taught to handle these situations. Actually, are we even taught to at all? What's prompting this behaviour  Why is the correct procedure to "ignore him and he'll go away"? Where did it all start?

When I was in grade one I went to school one morning in a new dress. I was so excited to be wearing this beautiful dress, so at recess, I sat on the edge of our little wooden boat on the playground, careful not to get my dress dirty. Just before the bell rang, a pair of hands smashed into my back, sending me sprawling into the dirt. What did parents and teachers tell the hysterical little me? He probably liked you.

No. He didn’t like me, actually. He was an obnoxious little butt-licker. A bully. So why do parents teach young girls that if a boy hits you/pulls your hair/tells everyone you’re fat…he must like you? It makes zero sense, and I really do believe it contributes to rape culture, it plants the seeds, starts the thought pattern. If a boy treats you terribly, it means he likes you. So don't kick up a fuss, don't report his actions. You're overreacting. He's probably a perfectly nice guy! And there’s where my point about YA literature comes in…

I could compile a large list of YA fantasy/paranormal books that I’ve put down, because the supposed love interest was absolutely horrible to the protagonist, and she was putting up with it. Her “no” was turning slowly to “yes”, and I didn’t like the direction it was going in. The example it’s setting for young readers. There is no such thing as a hot stalker. If he watches you sleep, creeps into your bedroom at night, pops up everywhere you go…call the police. It’s not love, it’s dangerous. Many paranormal romance books are starting to match all the signs and symptoms of abuse.

As writers, it’s up to us to put a stop to this. Don’t help rape culture along. Don’t spread the lies about “bad boys”. Because bad boys in real life are just that…bad. They aren’t sexy and mysterious and hunky, they’ll hurt you. Sometimes physically. And yes, they can be charming and good looking sometimes. Ted Bundy was very good looking. Am I going too far, bringing serial killers into the conversation? I wish I was, but some of the love interests in paranormal books I’ve read lately have come across borderline mentally unstable, but it’s treated as “sexy”.

What do you think? Have you come across YA books that glorify abusive qualities? Female protagonists that are being treated horribly and do nothing about it? Do you think it’s all in good fun, or seriously damaging for young readers?


I don’t care if he’s a werewolf. He better treat me nice.


14 comments:

  1. I can definitely agree with this

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  2. absolutely, too often women are "taught" these things - I wonder where from?

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    1. Honestly not sure where it starts, but I know society sure isn't helping, and YA books that sexualize it make it worse!

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  3. Totally agree with this. Maybe it's the whole fascination with bad boys, or the strong and silent types who are oh-so-good at taking control. Maybe the appeal is the good girl to fix them up and complete them. *gags* If that's the case, well that trope is as old as Victorian gothic novels--and no healthier now.

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    1. Very true. "I can change him" is NEVER a good way to begin a relationship!

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  4. I often start reading a story and can't put up with it because of how the characters are- especially the werewolf ones... They're always cliché with the main male character being an asshole and the girl just forgiving him because they're 'meant for each other'.

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    1. Very true! Apparently werewolves are some of the worst offenders! lol. And the girl is always like, "Oh, it's just his animal instincts..."

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  5. Brilliant post. Very perceptive and sadly very accurate.
    I have to confess I did the same thing - a guy on a bus was pushing his thigh against mine, and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to embarrass him. To embarrass HIM!!! Now I say it in a VERY loud voice if someone is making me feel uncomfortable.

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    1. I know! Isn't it crazy that we feel WE have to be polite? Should have karate chopped his leg ;)

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  6. I think the 'bad guys' concept started as a way of some immature author pouring out their fetishes over a overly rugged jock. I mean when you pick books like that, the main female lead is always an forgettable, average-ish kind of girl who is suddenly liked by a good looking but arrogant guy who she barely knew before which makes it mysterious. She is just an empty hole for any of the audience to put them-self in. I personally feel that I'd like to see more interesting and nice male characters like Jack from Psych Investigation Episodes or Garbriel from threads perhaps.

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    1. I dig the Threads reference! ;) Haha. That's VERY true, and I think a lot of the time it's "wishful writing" by the author.

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  8. Stephanie Meyer is the reason for the YA trend. Mormon culture, partly consciously and partly subconsciously, teaches women to idealize abusers. It teaches them that it is their purpose in life to be submissive and to give up all agency to men--whether those men be the leaders of the church or their own husbands. Meyer internalized that to a creepy degree, and it permeates every page of the Twilight Saga. And since Twilight made shit tons of money, the market has been flooded with imitators using that same formula without realizing how awful it is, or how insidious.

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  9. Hey Erin! First, awesome blog! I keep finding topics I so much want to chatter about. 
    Second, I strongly agree!! I’m so glad you spoke up! I too am disturbed about the sudden trend of dysfunctional relationships that are portrayed (not just in books but many media outlets) as “normal” or mysteriously justified by extenuating circumstances, such as rock hard abs.
    (“Don’t you see, Susanna? The fact that Freddie takes his early bedwetting experiences out on you is really YOUR FAULT, not his! Obviously, you’re just not tolerant enough of his lifestyle choices to accept that he’s a practicing abusive a—hole. You need to seek immediate therapy for your insensitivity to his control needs as a girlfriend. Shame on you, being such an intolerant abuse-a-phob!”)
    To our shame, dysfunctional and abusive relationships are a real part of society today. They do happen, and that’s no shame on the victim whatsoever because bad guys are out there and they look like the good guys. Genetics (alas) are no indicator of character.
    Okay, so that’s real life we author types drawing from—but WHERE is the dividing line between ‘realism’ and ‘glamorizing’? Those ugly relationships may exist sure, but that’s no justification for making the girls shallow doormats or ending it like the flick Pretty Woman.
    (So—the stripper married the handsome prince, huh? If she’s Julia Roberts, maybe.)
    The REALITY is: those relationships DON’T end well, no matter how sexy is glamorized to be. Like you said Erin, they’re dangerous situations, often violent, unstable and unhealthy. A guy who is belittling a woman or stalking her or forcing her into a corner through pressure has serious issues to sort out with himself and ladies, we need to get out well of the picture until he does.
    Flip side of the coin, it’s not that cut ‘n dried making rational decisions for yourself when your emotions are invested. When you love someone (or even think you do), your judgment about them is colored. A lot of times you’re thinking of what’s best for them not you, and all you want is to make them happy.
    Well sure, you should. That’s a natural impulse. It’s exactly what REAL HEALTHY LOVE is about.
    So I say WHERE are the supportive relationships in these books? Why is it that this one abusive relationship eclipses all others (like the meekish heroine has been living her entire life alone in a vacuum until Swaggering Bad Boy strode in)?
    WHERE is the level-headed BFF who pulls you aside to proclaim he’s a jerk and take you out for ice cream? The gay bestie who teaches you to channel your inner diva and kick his (“bad”)ass to the curb? Hey, even Mom or Dad can pitch in a word here—they went to high school once too. Oh maybe you won’t listen now, but where’s good ol’ Dad threatening him off the porch with a shotgun? (Are you thinking Uncle Buck here? Cause I totally am!  ) I myself have two older brothers who kick the living crap outta any man who DARED play games with my head!! 
    When a girl has OTHER stable, healthy relationships in her life, she needs NO jerk, handsome or immortal though he may be, to love her or make her feel special and important. That’s the lesson (nay, the LIFE truth!) I think YA should be embracing and strongly reinforcing. I know I’d respect it.

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